I thought traffic in L.A. was bad, but then I drove on the New Jersey Turnpike. Y’all are crazy, and that’s with totally normal driving laws in effect. According to Lee, Highway 78 and the New Jersey Turnpike are far worse than anything he does in his truck.

A Lawyer’s Perspective on Traffic Laws

Now, you may think that I’m some elite lawyer who spends Sunday morning reading William Blackstone’s “Commentaries on the Laws of England,” but I’m just like any other red-blooded, American male. Sometimes, I wake up on Sunday morning determined to buy a Cybertruck, festoon it with truck nuts, and then curse out pedestrians as I head down to the nearest beach to shoot a whale from my car. Unfortunately, our nanny state government explicitly prohibits these exact activities. But these are just some of the weird traffic laws that are still on the books, though, admittedly, some are crazier than others.

Obscene Vehicle Decorations: The Case of Truck Nuts

In South Carolina, the law bars any, quote, “Sticker, decal, emblem, or other device containing obscene or indecent words, photographs, or depictions from appearing on a vehicle.” However, the statute does not clearly define “obscene” or “indecent,” leaving room for subjective interpretation by law enforcement and the courts. This ambiguity led to the case of 66-year-old Virginia Tice, who was fined $445 for displaying eight-inch truck nuts on her pickup.

Her defense lawyer argued that the statute violated her First Amendment rights. The Chief of Police, Franco Fuda, dismissed this claim, saying he couldn’t see how it related to free speech. However, legal experts, including Eugene Volokh, believe the South Carolina law is unconstitutionally broad. The judge sided with Tice, and the state dropped all charges, proving once again that America is the land of “deez nuts.”

The Ban on Buying Cars on Sundays

Twelve states still prohibit buying a vehicle on a Sunday due to outdated blue laws, which were originally designed to promote Christian worship. These laws also restrict alcohol sales and prohibit certain businesses from operating. For instance, in South Carolina, dance venues are still not allowed to open on Sundays.

Shooting Animals from Vehicles: Legal or Not?

In California, it is illegal to shoot game birds or mammals, including marine mammals, from a motor vehicle. However, a legal myth suggests that whale hunting is still permitted under this law because whales aren’t explicitly mentioned. This is incorrect, as federal laws like the Marine Mammal Protection Act of 1972 govern whale hunting.

Iowa, on the other hand, has a law that allows handicapped individuals to shoot from a stationary vehicle, ensuring accessibility for disabled hunters.

Honking for a Sandwich in Arkansas

In Little Rock, Arkansas, honking your horn at a dining establishment while parked is illegal. The law extends specifically to sandwich shops, prohibiting honking after 9:00 p.m. While noise ordinances are generally upheld under the First Amendment, they must be content-neutral, as established in Ward v. Rock Against Racism.

Tire Squealing and Reckless Driving Laws

In Derby, Kansas, it is illegal to squeal your tires unnecessarily. Violators can be fined up to $500 or face 30 days in jail. While reckless driving laws are common, Derby’s specific wording opens it up to First Amendment challenges. Courts typically do not view tire squealing as protected speech, but the law’s broad language could be questioned.

Cursing While Driving in Rockville, Maryland

Using explicit language while driving in Rockville, Maryland, could land you in trouble. Local Ordinance 13-53 prohibits cursing, swearing, or using obscene language on or near public streets. While laws like these may be challenged under free speech protections, they remain enforceable unless successfully contested.

Final Thoughts

While many traffic laws exist for safety, some remain outdated or overly restrictive. Whether it’s the prohibition on buying cars on Sundays, bans on honking for sandwiches, or laws against decorative truck nuts, these laws showcase the strange and sometimes amusing ways that traffic regulations can shape our lives.